If there was one thing, I wish I knew earlier on in life, it’s that my eating disorder was not the problem, it was the solution to a problem.
Beneath our behaviour around food lies a root cause because the way we use food (whether eating too much or too little) helps us deal with something in our lives. For me, this root cause changed over the years but I see clearly how my behaviour around food always acted as a symptom that something was not quite right with my life.
My bulimia began as a way to fill a void that my skating left in my life. The joy, fulfilment and sense of purpose it gave me was gone and I reached for food to fill that void. That void is never a physical hunger and so food will never satisfy it, no amount ever will.
This took me a very long time to understand. And it is only my experience, but I strongly believe that beneath someones disordered eating patterns (or any addictive habit) lies a person hungry for more meaning in their life….and at the core, is a person forever starving for their own love and acceptance.