December

The final stretch.

This month always seemed so far away, like I had all year to “get it” before it arrived. But I say hello to December feeling no better than I did on January 1st 2018. Where have the last 11 months gone and what have they taught me, so that I can make this month different.

There is no tomorrow, there is no next week. All I need right now is PRESENCE.

I spent this year planning for this moment – and how did that turn out? If I can take one lesson into this month, it is to be fully present…in the here and the now. Within this inhale, this exhale, this word.

I get ahead of myself, and when I do I neglect the girl within. I sit here nightly planning the early mornings I never get up for, the diets and workouts that never happen, the ideas I don’t put into action. I’ve lived the past 11 months of this year in my head, in the thought of  “When I do this, it will be better ….I will be better”

But I am not better. Life is not better.

There is no tomorrow, there is only ever the here and the now.

I wish things looked differently, but how can I expect them to, when I’ve lived this year inside my comfort zone. I’m in the same place, doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts. Change is not born within this atmosphere

I don’t know what this month will hold.

It doesn’t matter.

Life will move forward without my planning it. Life will move forward without my consent. I need to let go of the needing to know. Instead, I will try to…

Attend to the tension

Attend to my heart

Do the hard things

Think the new thoughts

Behave in new ways

Feel what it feels like,

to be in this body

at this moment in time.

So, December. My last teacher of 2018, I’ve been studying, and I want to take the test. I want to show you all I’ve learned. I want you to be different. I want to be different.

 

Change only happens when we choose it and I want to choose a different ending to the story that has played out a thousand times over. I want to write a new ending to this year. And I move forward with only this thought…

If I can give myself

the gift of presence

a new ending will write itself.

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4 Comments

  1. Amy December 4, 2018 / 2:03 pm

    Well said MZ! When I read this I think of the movie Yes Man and maybe you just have to say yes to everything. I hope December brings you great things! 😉

    • molly
      Author
      December 4, 2018 / 3:00 pm

      Thanks Ames!…and I will keep that in mind, December will be the month of yes’s!

  2. Krissy December 4, 2018 / 3:13 pm

    Honest, soul deep, loving, reflective and blunt. Inspiring Molly as you always are. Living a present life ….best gift to ones self ever. Much love to you my transforming friend xoxo

    • molly
      Author
      December 6, 2018 / 9:00 pm

      Love this. Thank you, Krissy!!

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